Wednesday 21 March 2012

Things I can't eat- The Anti Food Blog

I'm very fussy about food. What I like I eat copious amount of, I live mainly on a mixture of Coco Pops, chicken nuggets and spaghettios. I never try new things and I'm starting to think that the lack of fresh fruit and vegetables, vitamins and protein have left me a miniscule 5"2. There are things I have never tried like fish, steak, lamb, pork, duck, pudding and things I will never try goat's cheese and rabbit and marmite. The following conatins a detailed account of why I find stuff really gross.

Quiche- Quich smells like old people's houses. If I were to eat Quich, with every bite I would be quietly thinking to myself this is most definately how a wrinkly old person would taste.

Pate- I used to love this. I ate it everday on toast, cream crackers... or straight out of the tub with a spoon. Then my brother told me what it was. That was twenty years ago. I haven't touched it since.




Fish- Fish are visual repulsive. They look slimey and evil.



Lambs- Lambs are too cute to eat. Eating lamb is like eating a kitty or a puppy.



Duck- Duckies? How do people eat duckies?!

Pork- It's grey. Grey is not an apitising colour for noms.

Turkey- I used to eat turkey all the time, then I found out it was a type of pheasant. I aint eating no pheasant.

Steak- When you think about it, and I mean really think about it. Steak, essentially, is a slice of ass.



Rivita- The yockiest cracker in existance. One would liken it to a rectangle of cardboardy- sand.

There is method to my madness. I have two older brothers who loved telling me from a young age in great detail what everything was made of, ad libbing usually and putting their own spin on things like the chips in lennoxes are squishy because they make them and then throw them out in the garden and stamp on them, wash them down and reheat them. Or that when restaurants run out of chicken they use white rats. Or that hot dogs are really made form all dogs that run away from home.



Well, you can see why I'm a bit weird about stuff.


































































5 comments:

  1. Is there anything you do eat :P ?! cept 100% agree with you on fish... yuck!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I eat plain chicken and rashers... thats about it!

    ReplyDelete
  3. How do you survive!! Although after those awful stories your brothers told you I kinda wouldn't blame you for half of it :) ... They are cruel!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. i agree with you except about the rivitas- i love em!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yock rivitas are mingin'. Cream crackers all the way!

    ReplyDelete